Seb:
“He Stinks!” Fan Says Pew Pew to Cole McGrath
The Cole-train, best known for his electric dubstep band ‘The First Sons’, has a foul, unwashed odor, a fan has tweeted. A close source told PerezStation LifeStyle that the shaved sex idol hasn’t bathed or showered in years, citing a fear of water caused by an unfortunate incident involving a waterbed and a Durex Ray Sphere.
Men’s corner: For Men and About Men
David ‘Solid’ Snake’s Top 3 Tips for Satisfying Your Man
1) Be a fox in bed!
2) Wear incredibly tight bloodflow-stopping clothing, it’s sexy. Not weird, sexy.
3) Don’t mention the eye.
Captain Price’s Advice For Men
Grow a mustache.
I Didn’t DeWitt! Church in Uproar Over Chapel Casino
Notorious gambling addict Booker DeWitt has denied claims that he turned a church into a casino, enraging religious people who can’t take a joke.
Advertisement: Introducing Cave Johnson’s delicious lemonade for the stay-at-home housewife or househusband. It will blow you away!
Freak Stories! Mutant Creature Found, Claims to be Canadian
Scientist boffins have uncovered a new species of snow-dwelling human with 8 fingers on each hand. “It helps me type faster!”, said the creature, which calls itself Jason Dunning.
Horrorscopes By Pyramid Head
Jan – Dec: You will receive and unexpected disemboweling from the man/woman of your dreams.
All-Stars Break Up After Just One Tour
“No one bought any tickets”, said lead singer PaRappa.
Dan:
PETVA Speaks Out Against Skyrim
The People for the Ethical Treatment of Virtual Animals have been in an uproar concerning the abuse of digital animals. Spokesman for the company had this to say regarding the situation:
“We do not approve of the way these perfectly modeled creatures have been unjustly killed for profit, only to have to be respawned and have to endure the pain again.”
This blowback from activists comes at a bad time, as PAAK The People Against an Arrow to the Knee, have already spoken out against games such as Skyrim.
Alien Speaks Out Against Poor Reviews
Aliens: Colonial Marines reviewed poorly from almost all outlets who reviewed it, forcing the title to become an instant bargain bin game, pushing the cast to scramble for work elsewhere. When asked about what went wrong with the title, Alien only had this to say:
“Error”
– Gripping.
Bandit Watch
After his first attempt back in 2009, manic character actor Bandit has been spotted once again trying to end his life. Shortly after having to register his fingers as deadly weapons, Bandit was admitted to Pandora’s psychiatric hospital only to be set loose by pearlescent addicts. If you spot Bandit, approach with caution…he may be armed.
Max Payne Destined For an Early Grave?
Ex-Defender of the Peace and J-Lo’s ex-bodyguard, gruff heartthrob Max Payne was spotted with two ladies of the night in what could only be assumed to be a part of his new association with the Branco family. With his new lifestyle of late night partying and mixing alcohol with painkillers, how long before this down-and-out cop is down and out for the count?
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